...EVERYTHING. Apparently.
So Oliver, who has never been fearless in the sense of being reckless or impulsive, has recently developed a full-blown case of sissiness. He started to think everything is "scawy." Really. It started with this adorable (I thought) navy blue winter hat that I bought him. It had ear flaps and tassels on it. Cute, right? Well, I guess he thought that was scary. OK. Whatever. I tried a few times to get him to put it on and he totally freaked out. He couldn't stand to look at it much less have it on his head. It was on the ground in his room near the door and he was afraid to go through the door. I can only guess that he's thinking that those tassels might come and get him.
It doesn't help to tell him that something he is convinced is scary just isn't scary. He doesn't see it that way. So, the approach that I'm taking is to show him that he has the power to make something scary not scary anymore. The other night he was going to bed and he thought that his pillow was scary. What?? What is scary about a pillow?!? He said it was a crocodile. Hmm...I thought that maybe it was the ties on the back of the sham that were so offending him and somehow reminding him of a crocodile. I told him to turn it over and it wouldn't be scary anymore. He did it and agreed, "piddow not scawy enymore." I remind him of this when he thinks that other things are scary. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.
What I'm trying to figure out is whether this is a common childhood phase or is this weird? Abby thinks that it is an appropriate adaptive response for a preschooler. I don't know if this is something she learned in medical school or if she is just inclined to think that anything Oliver does is smart and charming. :-)
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6 comments:
You are so patient!
Hailey is scared to be in any room with the door close. Apparently, she is worried about sharks and alligators! We have reasoned with her that those creatures need water & they don't like carpeting. If she hears a creak, she comes running. I am unfortunately loosing my patience. What really gets me is she wants privacy in the bathroom, but can't have the door closed! Funny huh?
(from Abby)
everything oliver does is smart and charming.
i figured it was part of learning that the world has real threats and we have evolved to learn that bad things can happen so we don't wander out at night and get eaten by a mastadon.
but i just asked a genuine preschool teacher, who says she doesn't see a lot of random phobias, so that theory may be blown.
Fear is absolutely a normal part of child development. Piaget describes cognitive development in terms of stages. Oliver would be in preoperational stage (roughly ages 2 to 7). There are many characteristics of this stage but the two fear falls into would be "rigid of thought" as it deals with identity. A young child early in this stage will still believe that if someone puts on a Halloween mask then they become whatever the mask is. During the preoperational stage in cognitive development the child learn that identity doesn't mask what the person really is. Benjamin is still learning in this stage. One way to find out is to ask if a boy puts on a dress is he a girl or a boy. Most young children will say the boy is a girl because of the dress. They haven't learned that an object can change appearance without changing the nature of the object. A second piece of this theory is "semilogical reasoning." Thoughts are linked together but not in a logical way.
In any case, that is probably a much longer answer than you wanted. We have had fears come and go. Right now we are in the afraid of the dark. One thing that I try to do is in a play setting pretend that I am afraid of something silly. Benjamin then tells me it is nothing to be afraid of. I describe language for him to use like "you can't scare me your just pretend" or "I'll make you go away by using my special voice" etc. Then when he is afraid, we use that same language. Sometimes is works and sometimes it doesn't. That was a very long winded answer to your question. Hope that helps!
Anna your posts are hilarious. I love to read your blog. I would have to say Ollie is 100% normal! He sounds creative and imaginative. You are such a wonderful mom, hopefully I will get to see more of you in action. Did Ryan tell you the future Scott possibilities?
totally a phase!! the only "scawy" thing for you is that you never know how long a phase will last ... hopefuly this one doesn't last too long!
1. I'd have to agree with Rebecca on this one: totally a developmental milestone, or "stage".
2. Check your (fantastic) cooking blog for a rather lengthy (and emotional) comment re: family values.
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