I am honestly at the end of my tether with little Oliver. His favorite word, nay, his first and immediate response to any question, request or instruction is a sharp and resolute "NO!" It doesn't matter what I've asked/offered/requested, the answer is always, "NO!" I don't know what to do about it. This has been going on for several months, so obviously what I am doing isn't working to make it go away.
My first strategy was to ignore it so as not to "positively reinforce" that behavior by any attention (good or bad) and repeat, rephrase or re-frame the request, as if the "No" response was simply invalid, not an option. Then I reward him (with praise or a smile and a hug) when he does what I've asked. So, essentially reward good behavior, ignore the rest. Simple and straightforward.
But somehow it isn't working. It's got to be something that I am doing to undermine this process, because really, it should work, right? I find that instead I am, quite pitifully, asking him to say, "NO!, thank you!" instead of just, "NO!" I feel like a chump. I'm getting whooped by my 2 year old. And really, it's not a battle, or at least it shouldn't be, I don't want it to be. I want us to be on the same team.
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5/9/11
At Home with the Halversons
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Running Commentary
4/8/12
Oliver and Elliot playing Star Wars
Oliver: I'm Yoda
Elliot: I'm General (pause) Conference. Who is General Conference again?
O: You mean General Grevious?
E; Oh, yeah...
Elliot to Andrew: Andrew, do you want to ride the tire swing with me? Do you? What? Andrew I can't understand you. I don't remember baby talk.
1/20/11
Oliver: I know something that is true. Before there were cars, people rode donkeys and camels.
Me: Yes, that's true. And also horses.
O: But not chickens.
Andrew was crying in the car. Oliver tried to soothe him by saying, "Don't cry baby. I'm not going to jail...I'm just going to preschool."
"Our chudders" = each other, as in "we love our chudders"
9/1/10
Oliver: Elliot, you are a baby.
Elliot: No! I NOT a baby.
O: Yes you are.
E: No! I Mister Elliot!
Me: Guys, you are getting too close to the edge of that wall, please come down.
O: Why? Because we are precious to you?
6/29/10
Elliot had a really tough time going to bed last night. He was just WIRED. He talks to himself a lot and this is what we heard from his crib.
"Mommy, Daddy, come back here RIGHT NOW. Nuggle [snuggle] me!! Nuggle me!! Itsy bitsy pidah down the water spout. Nuggle me!! No SUH. No WAY buddy. I want to nuggle. Dump onna bed, dump onna bed [jump on the bed]."
The other day Oliver asked what would happen if he drank molten lava. I said, "well, I think you'd be in pretty bad shape." He thought about that for a minute and then said, "you mean like a triangle?"
2/ 23/10
Up until now this has mostly been about Oliver's funny little sayings but Elliot is getting to be quite the little chatterbox. Here's a glossary of some of his favorite words
ay-yit = Elliot
niiilk = milk ahl fa ver = Oliver
backit ball = basketball (he is obsessed!!)
don don = Skippy John Jones (his favorite book)
boo bebbies = blueberries
hot dog = hot dog; synonym for nose; anything good or desirable
tank oo, tank oo, tank oo!! = thanks; or "give me that now!!"
down, down!! = please pick me up
2/16/10
Oliver: Mom, my nose really hurts."
Me: "Um, well does it only hurt when you pick it???"
Oliver: "Yes, but it really, really, really hurts."
Me: silence, clearly unaffected by the plight of my young son.
Oliver: "Mom, dis is a MOORGENCY. I sink I am BEEDING. I sink I'm going to DIE!!"
Oh, the drama of crusty boogers. We called Abby to get her medical opinion.
12/13/09
Oliver: "Mom, I'm a booger monster, 'cause I LOVE to eat boogers!"
10/15/09
The following is a conversation that Oliver and I have multiple times a day. The forbidden is clearly tantalizing.
"Mom?"
"Yes Ollie."
"We don't say dumb. Or stupid. Or damn it. Or idiot."
"No, Ollie we don't don't say those things."
"Only bad guys say dumb? And stupid? And damn it? And idiot?"
"Well even bad guys shouldn't say those words, they hurt feelings and make people feel bad."
"So we should never ever say dumb? Or stupid? Or damn it? Or idiot?"
"Yep."
A very few minutes later..."Mom? We don't say dumb? Or stupid? Or damn it? Or idiot?
For words that we supposedly don't use they sure get thrown around a lot around here!
9/6/09
Yesterday evening we had dinner with our friends the Becks at their pool. As we were leaving Lucy (4) said most beguilingly, "Good night, Oliver. I am going to dream about YOU tonight!" Oliver looked at her and replied frankly. "Good night, Lucy. I am going to dream about trains and race cars."
9/6/09
Current Ollie-isms:
"Comforful" comfortable.
"HOODY GOSH!!" This is a cross between oh my gosh! and holy cow!
"Fus-sings-foossy" First things first. As in "I sure will put my toys away, but fus-sings-foosy I need to find Lising (Lightning McQueen from the movie CARS).
9/1/09
Every night after the boys get into their pajamas they play "tickle tackle" before bed. You would think that wrestling and getting all riled up would make it harder for them to wind down, but Elliot actually seems to need it. He has a much easier time going to sleep if he can roughhouse a little just before bed. Last night, Ryan had just put Elliot down in his crib and was sitting on the couch reading a book to Oliver. Oliver turned to him and said, "Dad, I LOVE Elliot! He tackle us. He hit us. He push us down. He roll over our backs. I LOVE him!" I guess the nightly "tickle tackle" routine works for both of them.
8/24/09
" T'woo INFINIBY...and beyond!!" Thanks, Toy Story. Oliver has been shouting this phrase as he spreads his "wings" and jumps off the couch, coffee table, last few stairs. I have to agree with Woody, that what Oliver does is "not flying, it's falling with style." Luckily no harm done, yet.
8/8/09
"Yi-da-phone" This is what Oliver calls his most treasured musical instrument (his xylophone). He can hear the 'z' shound, he just can't say it. When I pointed out that it was actually pronounced ZYLOPHONE, his eyes lit up and he said "oh, you mean like YE-BRA?!
8/1/09
As I was tucking Oliver into bed tonight I pulled the covers up around his dear little shoulders and whispered, "I have a secret...want to hear? I love YOU!" Ollie smiled sleepily and said, "I have a secrick, too." I put my head close to his and he whispered in my ear, "I want to play with Jayla after we go to Target and buy me a race car birthday cake." I had to laugh. That was not exactly what I was expecting to hear!
7/31/09
"Ledonlame" For the life of him, Oliver cannot say "lemonade." He tries and tries but what comes out is always "ledonlame." I think it's pretty cute and by now I know what he's talking about.
7/21/09
We are out here in Kansas City staying with Ryan's brother Brad before the official Halverson reunion starts. Brad's kids are pet-sitting a ferret. Oliver is terrified of the ferret. When I asked him why he was so scared he told me, "He going to bite me. He going to goggle me up!"
7/17/09
"Mommy, you have pirate teeth." This was after we went blueberry picking--my teeth were blue stained and quite scary! He was right!
7/16/09
My mom sent Oliver some CARS Teddy Grahams. He was thrilled. "Mommy, I LOVE dese crackers!" "That's awesome buddy," I said absent mindedly without looking up. "We'll have to tell Nana how much fun they are to eat." "YEAH!! And to smoosh with your feet!" That got my attention. I looked over and saw that he was not in fact eating the crackers but had dumped out the entire box and was methodically stomping on them. So much for a new snack.
7/10/09
Ollie was admiring his temporary fire truck tattoos and he asked me if I liked them too. I said I loved 'em. Oliver looked at me thoughtfully and said, "Let's see here...I love race cars, Elli-lit love playing, Daddy love eating, and Mom love tattoos!" Yeah, buddy, you got us pegged.
7/2/09
This morning Oliver and I were reading an Easter book his Grandma Halverson sent us this past spring. It said something to the effect of "Jesus taught the people many new things." Ollie's eyes lit up and he said, "Like running somersaults!?!"
5/19/09
Ryan is out of town so I was putting the kids to bed by myself tonight. Oliver was being really difficult. I told him to pick up his toys or he wouldn't get to read a book. He said, "You make me so ANGY!" I was about to lose it so I said, harshly "Actually, Ollie, YOU are making me angry." He replied. "You not making good choices, Mommy. You being naughty."
5/14/09
Oliver was playing outside when he noticed an ant crawling on the ground. He started hitting it repeatedly with a toy. Soon there was not much left of the ant. Surveying his work he said somewhat dolefully "Mommy, dis ant feeling SAD."
4/17/09
What I hear at least once an hour:
"Wha ha DEWding, Mommy?"
"What say?" (Oliver's persistent fluid in his ears are taking a toll on his hearing. We are looking into our options).
EVERY time we go into our garage we have the same conversation: "[S]pidah webs not scavy. Pidahs not eat boys. Pidahs eat bugs. What bugs eat? Bugs eat leaves. We see lot bugs eat leaves at science museum." Evidently there are plenty of bugs in our garage to prompt his sudden interest in entomology.
Oliver:"Jesus is a good friend."
Me: "Yes, He is."
Oliver: "He not hit me. He not push me over."
"Tickle my 'squito bites": scratch my back
"Dat MADING": that's amazing!
"No scawy disisaurs": no scary dinosaurs. Oliver is really afraid of dinosaurs, especially that they will be hiding in our house.
Oliver:"I love Daddy."
Me: "I love Daddy, too."
Oliver: "No, you love Ellie. I love Daddy."
Oliver from the backseat: "Go fast Mommy. VROOOMM! I love dat sound!!"
Oliver likes to leave his pants down around his ankles after he uses the bathroom and hop back into the kitchen or his bedroom. He thinks this is hilarious. I don't. I tell him to pull up his pants. He does but sullenly reminds me that "Addie piddie dat funny." (Adam thinks that's funny.) Adam did laugh at that once, but for Oliver apparently this joke never gets old.
Oliver: I know something that is true. Before there were cars, people rode donkeys and camels.
Me: Yes, that's true. And also horses.
O: But not chickens.
Andrew was crying in the car. Oliver tried to soothe him by saying, "Don't cry baby. I'm not going to jail...I'm just going to preschool."
"Our chudders" = each other, as in "we love our chudders"
9/1/10
Oliver: Elliot, you are a baby.
Elliot: No! I NOT a baby.
O: Yes you are.
E: No! I Mister Elliot!
Me: Guys, you are getting too close to the edge of that wall, please come down.
O: Why? Because we are precious to you?
6/29/10
Elliot had a really tough time going to bed last night. He was just WIRED. He talks to himself a lot and this is what we heard from his crib.
"Mommy, Daddy, come back here RIGHT NOW. Nuggle [snuggle] me!! Nuggle me!! Itsy bitsy pidah down the water spout. Nuggle me!! No SUH. No WAY buddy. I want to nuggle. Dump onna bed, dump onna bed [jump on the bed]."
The other day Oliver asked what would happen if he drank molten lava. I said, "well, I think you'd be in pretty bad shape." He thought about that for a minute and then said, "you mean like a triangle?"
2/ 23/10
Up until now this has mostly been about Oliver's funny little sayings but Elliot is getting to be quite the little chatterbox. Here's a glossary of some of his favorite words
ay-yit = Elliot
niiilk = milk ahl fa ver = Oliver
backit ball = basketball (he is obsessed!!)
don don = Skippy John Jones (his favorite book)
boo bebbies = blueberries
hot dog = hot dog; synonym for nose; anything good or desirable
tank oo, tank oo, tank oo!! = thanks; or "give me that now!!"
down, down!! = please pick me up
2/16/10
Oliver: Mom, my nose really hurts."
Me: "Um, well does it only hurt when you pick it???"
Oliver: "Yes, but it really, really, really hurts."
Me: silence, clearly unaffected by the plight of my young son.
Oliver: "Mom, dis is a MOORGENCY. I sink I am BEEDING. I sink I'm going to DIE!!"
Oh, the drama of crusty boogers. We called Abby to get her medical opinion.
12/13/09
Oliver: "Mom, I'm a booger monster, 'cause I LOVE to eat boogers!"
10/15/09
The following is a conversation that Oliver and I have multiple times a day. The forbidden is clearly tantalizing.
"Mom?"
"Yes Ollie."
"We don't say dumb. Or stupid. Or damn it. Or idiot."
"No, Ollie we don't don't say those things."
"Only bad guys say dumb? And stupid? And damn it? And idiot?"
"Well even bad guys shouldn't say those words, they hurt feelings and make people feel bad."
"So we should never ever say dumb? Or stupid? Or damn it? Or idiot?"
"Yep."
A very few minutes later..."Mom? We don't say dumb? Or stupid? Or damn it? Or idiot?
For words that we supposedly don't use they sure get thrown around a lot around here!
9/6/09
Yesterday evening we had dinner with our friends the Becks at their pool. As we were leaving Lucy (4) said most beguilingly, "Good night, Oliver. I am going to dream about YOU tonight!" Oliver looked at her and replied frankly. "Good night, Lucy. I am going to dream about trains and race cars."
9/6/09
Current Ollie-isms:
"Comforful" comfortable.
"HOODY GOSH!!" This is a cross between oh my gosh! and holy cow!
"Fus-sings-foossy" First things first. As in "I sure will put my toys away, but fus-sings-foosy I need to find Lising (Lightning McQueen from the movie CARS).
9/1/09
Every night after the boys get into their pajamas they play "tickle tackle" before bed. You would think that wrestling and getting all riled up would make it harder for them to wind down, but Elliot actually seems to need it. He has a much easier time going to sleep if he can roughhouse a little just before bed. Last night, Ryan had just put Elliot down in his crib and was sitting on the couch reading a book to Oliver. Oliver turned to him and said, "Dad, I LOVE Elliot! He tackle us. He hit us. He push us down. He roll over our backs. I LOVE him!" I guess the nightly "tickle tackle" routine works for both of them.
8/24/09
" T'woo INFINIBY...and beyond!!" Thanks, Toy Story. Oliver has been shouting this phrase as he spreads his "wings" and jumps off the couch, coffee table, last few stairs. I have to agree with Woody, that what Oliver does is "not flying, it's falling with style." Luckily no harm done, yet.
8/8/09
"Yi-da-phone" This is what Oliver calls his most treasured musical instrument (his xylophone). He can hear the 'z' shound, he just can't say it. When I pointed out that it was actually pronounced ZYLOPHONE, his eyes lit up and he said "oh, you mean like YE-BRA?!
8/1/09
As I was tucking Oliver into bed tonight I pulled the covers up around his dear little shoulders and whispered, "I have a secret...want to hear? I love YOU!" Ollie smiled sleepily and said, "I have a secrick, too." I put my head close to his and he whispered in my ear, "I want to play with Jayla after we go to Target and buy me a race car birthday cake." I had to laugh. That was not exactly what I was expecting to hear!
7/31/09
"Ledonlame" For the life of him, Oliver cannot say "lemonade." He tries and tries but what comes out is always "ledonlame." I think it's pretty cute and by now I know what he's talking about.
7/21/09
We are out here in Kansas City staying with Ryan's brother Brad before the official Halverson reunion starts. Brad's kids are pet-sitting a ferret. Oliver is terrified of the ferret. When I asked him why he was so scared he told me, "He going to bite me. He going to goggle me up!"
7/17/09
"Mommy, you have pirate teeth." This was after we went blueberry picking--my teeth were blue stained and quite scary! He was right!
7/16/09
My mom sent Oliver some CARS Teddy Grahams. He was thrilled. "Mommy, I LOVE dese crackers!" "That's awesome buddy," I said absent mindedly without looking up. "We'll have to tell Nana how much fun they are to eat." "YEAH!! And to smoosh with your feet!" That got my attention. I looked over and saw that he was not in fact eating the crackers but had dumped out the entire box and was methodically stomping on them. So much for a new snack.
7/10/09
Ollie was admiring his temporary fire truck tattoos and he asked me if I liked them too. I said I loved 'em. Oliver looked at me thoughtfully and said, "Let's see here...I love race cars, Elli-lit love playing, Daddy love eating, and Mom love tattoos!" Yeah, buddy, you got us pegged.
7/2/09
This morning Oliver and I were reading an Easter book his Grandma Halverson sent us this past spring. It said something to the effect of "Jesus taught the people many new things." Ollie's eyes lit up and he said, "Like running somersaults!?!"
5/19/09
Ryan is out of town so I was putting the kids to bed by myself tonight. Oliver was being really difficult. I told him to pick up his toys or he wouldn't get to read a book. He said, "You make me so ANGY!" I was about to lose it so I said, harshly "Actually, Ollie, YOU are making me angry." He replied. "You not making good choices, Mommy. You being naughty."
5/14/09
Oliver was playing outside when he noticed an ant crawling on the ground. He started hitting it repeatedly with a toy. Soon there was not much left of the ant. Surveying his work he said somewhat dolefully "Mommy, dis ant feeling SAD."
4/17/09
What I hear at least once an hour:
"Wha ha DEWding, Mommy?"
"What say?" (Oliver's persistent fluid in his ears are taking a toll on his hearing. We are looking into our options).
EVERY time we go into our garage we have the same conversation: "[S]pidah webs not scavy. Pidahs not eat boys. Pidahs eat bugs. What bugs eat? Bugs eat leaves. We see lot bugs eat leaves at science museum." Evidently there are plenty of bugs in our garage to prompt his sudden interest in entomology.
Oliver:"Jesus is a good friend."
Me: "Yes, He is."
Oliver: "He not hit me. He not push me over."
"Tickle my 'squito bites": scratch my back
"Dat MADING": that's amazing!
"No scawy disisaurs": no scary dinosaurs. Oliver is really afraid of dinosaurs, especially that they will be hiding in our house.
Oliver:"I love Daddy."
Me: "I love Daddy, too."
Oliver: "No, you love Ellie. I love Daddy."
Oliver from the backseat: "Go fast Mommy. VROOOMM! I love dat sound!!"
Oliver likes to leave his pants down around his ankles after he uses the bathroom and hop back into the kitchen or his bedroom. He thinks this is hilarious. I don't. I tell him to pull up his pants. He does but sullenly reminds me that "Addie piddie dat funny." (Adam thinks that's funny.) Adam did laugh at that once, but for Oliver apparently this joke never gets old.
2 comments:
As Oliver's aunt, I have the lucky role of never getting sick of anything he does, no matter how annoying, because I do not have to deal with the realities of toddlerdom on a daily or even weekly basis...
I like to think that Oliver has taken NO to an art form - this simple syllable that he can actually prounounce. He says it when he means "no","yes","maybe","i will not eat your yucky chicken", "i might just do something naughty right now," and a variety of other strong emotions.
It's like the Eskimos who have 200 words to describe snow. He is just expanding from his own experience ;)
I am not sure of the context in which Ollie is saying 'no' but Jackson went through a similar phase. I don't ask yes or no questions anymore--simply this or that questions. He still busts out the occasional 'no' even when the question is something like "do you want a cheese sandwich or peanut butter?' but after I tell him no was not one of the options, and repeat the question, I get a better answer. Hang in there!
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