How to Get on A Government Watch List: A Cautionary Tale

I forgot to mention one of the funniest stories from our trip. Well, it's funny in a tragi-comic way. And I hope that you, my friends and family, can learn a valuable lesson from our stupidity. The lesson is don't mouth off to the man, especially a little man...who has a badge and works for The Man.

In Florence my Dad went on a little bit of a food-buying bender (it's been known to happen) so as we were leaving, we still had in our collective possession a huge Tuscan Ham...I mean we're talking upwards of $80 worth of prosciutto. My dad decides to gift this to us, the Halversons, mainly because he knows we like to eat, and partially because it wouldn't fit in his suitcase. (Please note that the ham was still sealed in it's original packaging and would "keep" at room temp...so it's not so gross to be carrying a ham in one's suitcase as you may at first think).

Anyway, it was all going swimmingly until we get to US Customs at JFK. Honest, law-abiding citizens that we are, we declared this ham on our Customs Declaration Form, thinking nothing of it. We were really caught off guard when the officials told us that we couldn't bring it into the country. Did we have a signed and notarized letter from a veterinarian? they asked. No, of course not, we got this at a gourmet shop, not a lab. Well, then, any "swine" from Italy (cured or cooked) is prohibited unless it comes with its own doctor's note. After 10 hours of plane travel with a 20 month old, neither Ryan nor I were at the peak of our form, which may explain what happened next.

"This is ridiculous," Ryan remarked dryly. "This system just rewards dishonesty." "Yeah," I added huffily, "next time we just won't declare it!" Apparently, those were the magic words. Having said that, (made a threat to commit customs fraud)the little man looked at me and shook his head, sadly but with a little smirk. "Now we are going to have to put you in the computer on the watch list." WHAT?!?! (Here's where we really hit the roof.) "Yes, now your names will forever be on our watch list so your bags will be thoroughly checked each and every time you re-enter the country, regardless of what you put on your Customs Declaration Form." ARGHHH!!! It's not like we are drug smuggling, or even bringing in real contraband (ok, I guess by definition Italian "swine" is contraband.) Anyway, we felt that we had been doubly wronged by US Customs but there's no sticking it to the man now. So, next time we travel out of the country with you, any of our dear friends and family, we'll be asking you to hold our stash until we are safely through the border. (Just kidding. Really, in a note to any government official who is trolling the web for people making "threats to commit customs fraud" we truly are kidding and would never do something that would imperil the Homeland like that. We have learned our lesson).