RE: Flying pigs

We got so many great comments about our recent customs debacle, thank you everyone for feeling our pain. This message, from our good friend Dave Gardiner was especially hilarious. We thought we'd post Dave's condolences/rant here, too.

"... as far as the customs issue, take comfort in knowing you have saved other gourmet gourmands, proscuitto fantasizing, lushes like myself from the same mistake. How badly I have wished to bring back a whole side of proscuitto I am unable to adequately convey. I was overcome by mixed emotions after reading your summary of the events. First my eyes welled up with tears at that the thought of having to abandon that most cherished of meats after meticulously watching over and escorting it so far as only a loving guardian would do. However my sorrow was overpowered by violent rage towards the imp who declared the Hamlet of hams contraband, knowing full well that he volunteered at the end of his shift to stay after and help "clean up". No doubt he went home, hacked off a slab of Proscuitto di Parma, smeared on some Easy Cheese, added two pieces of Wonder Bread and said, "I don't see what all the fuss is about." The thought of such an epicurean imbecile even touching, let alone eating, what was rightfully yours to savor for the next several months was too much to bear. I attempted to assuage my violent emotions by burning an American flag in our backyard followed by urinating on a package of Oscar Meyer bologna in symbolic protest to the whole debacle. Alas, my rage remains unstatisfied.

If I had been aware of the situation, as a veterinarian I would have flown to New York and personally vouched for the sweet delicacy, pledging my professional licensce and reputation that this single piece of Italian "swine" was of greater value than the entirety of the Hormel family of sorry excuses for pork products and that it represented centuries of refined curing techniques that resulted in an absolute gastronomique wonder that a greasy commoner like himself could never appreciate so long as he thought haute cuisine was supersizing his extra value meal. This of course would have been followed by me spitting on his shoes afterwhich I would have picked up the proscuitto crudo, embraced it tightly at my chest and stated, " I would sooner be gunned down by overzealous idiotic customs officers than allow this marvel of humanity to fall into to the hands of an ignoramus such as you." At this point assuredly other fine food aficionados would have come to our aide and collectively safely escorted the treasure to its connecting flight.

Should fate have it that you and I are ever in such a situation again, I pledge the entireness of my luggage to smuggling European delicassies into the US. May we be so fortunate to one day work side by side in such a noble adventure.

How to Get on A Government Watch List: A Cautionary Tale

I forgot to mention one of the funniest stories from our trip. Well, it's funny in a tragi-comic way. And I hope that you, my friends and family, can learn a valuable lesson from our stupidity. The lesson is don't mouth off to the man, especially a little man...who has a badge and works for The Man.

In Florence my Dad went on a little bit of a food-buying bender (it's been known to happen) so as we were leaving, we still had in our collective possession a huge Tuscan Ham...I mean we're talking upwards of $80 worth of prosciutto. My dad decides to gift this to us, the Halversons, mainly because he knows we like to eat, and partially because it wouldn't fit in his suitcase. (Please note that the ham was still sealed in it's original packaging and would "keep" at room temp...so it's not so gross to be carrying a ham in one's suitcase as you may at first think).

Anyway, it was all going swimmingly until we get to US Customs at JFK. Honest, law-abiding citizens that we are, we declared this ham on our Customs Declaration Form, thinking nothing of it. We were really caught off guard when the officials told us that we couldn't bring it into the country. Did we have a signed and notarized letter from a veterinarian? they asked. No, of course not, we got this at a gourmet shop, not a lab. Well, then, any "swine" from Italy (cured or cooked) is prohibited unless it comes with its own doctor's note. After 10 hours of plane travel with a 20 month old, neither Ryan nor I were at the peak of our form, which may explain what happened next.

"This is ridiculous," Ryan remarked dryly. "This system just rewards dishonesty." "Yeah," I added huffily, "next time we just won't declare it!" Apparently, those were the magic words. Having said that, (made a threat to commit customs fraud)the little man looked at me and shook his head, sadly but with a little smirk. "Now we are going to have to put you in the computer on the watch list." WHAT?!?! (Here's where we really hit the roof.) "Yes, now your names will forever be on our watch list so your bags will be thoroughly checked each and every time you re-enter the country, regardless of what you put on your Customs Declaration Form." ARGHHH!!! It's not like we are drug smuggling, or even bringing in real contraband (ok, I guess by definition Italian "swine" is contraband.) Anyway, we felt that we had been doubly wronged by US Customs but there's no sticking it to the man now. So, next time we travel out of the country with you, any of our dear friends and family, we'll be asking you to hold our stash until we are safely through the border. (Just kidding. Really, in a note to any government official who is trolling the web for people making "threats to commit customs fraud" we truly are kidding and would never do something that would imperil the Homeland like that. We have learned our lesson).

Photo Credits

I'd just like to give props to my very talented husband for taking all the pictures of our Italian vacation. Isn't he awesome! He has such a great eye and I'm so glad that we have these pictures to help preserve our memories of such good times.

I also take pictures...mostly of Oliver, natch. Here are a few that I'd like to share. You'll notice the subtle juxtaposition of the football game on the TV (manly world outside our home) with the diaper-clad, mama's shoe-wearing tot (weird, source-of-future-psychoanalysis-home-life). Oh, Oliver, you will not thank me for taking (and sharing) these pictures, but they make me laugh!

Rome

Ryan and I have talked about traveling in Italy for as long as we've known each other. Our idea was that we would take an "eating tour" of the country. If we saw some sights, great, but what we'd really do is eat our way through the country. We joked that we would pack only sweatpants so we could totally gorge ourselves on Italian food. So when my dad's family decided that Italy would be the destination for a reunion/gathering this fall we jumped on the chance to go.

Well, it wasn't quite the "eating tour" we imagined, but we did have lots of great food. Our first three days we spent in Rome. We stayed at the Hotel dei Borgognoni (I had a REALLY hard time pronouncing that...turns out the second "g" is silent, as in "lasagna"). It was in a great location between the Trevi Fountain and the Spanish Steps. The morning of the first day we arrived we ambitiously set out to see some of Ancient Rome. We quickly realized that we were in way over our heads because despite the weeks of research we had done on everything from the history of Rome to Greek and Roman mythology, we had NO IDEA whether the rubble before us was the remains of some famous ancient temple/market or just road construction. (We later discovered that it was the Trajan Forum.) I'll blame it on the jet-lag, but we were definitely pretty clueless. So we gave up on serious sightseeing and decided to just wander and soak in the vibe of the Eternal City. We had a terrific afternoon, discovering some beautiful little side streets and hidden gardens. We all crashed early.

Day 2-- We went to Vatican City and stood on a very long line to get into St. Peter's Basilica. One of the most moving parts of that experience was going down in to the crypt of the popes and seeing where John Paul II was buried. It was a very simple marble slab with his name and dates on it, but there were bouquets of flowers and candles all around. It was sort of amazing to think that there lay the man who had led and inspired 800,000,000 Catholics, and who had played such an instrumental role during the Cold War of sustaining the faith of Catholics behind the Iron Curtain. I just thought of all the people, literally hundreds of millions, who loved that man. It was really awe-inspiring. By the time we finished at St. Peter's, the Vatican Museum and the Sistene Chapel were closed for the day so we headed back home on the subway.

Day 3-- Abby arrived, bringing her incomparable energy and humor (not to mention unflagging appetite for gelato). We decided to hire a guide to take us around the ancient ruins. We asked our hotel concierge to arrange a guide for us...I think he just called his boyfriend because our totally flaming guide, Stefano, spoke barely passable English, and his only real credential was that he was a 7th generation Roman. Abby and Ryan were not so annoyed with him, so they would give a different account of this story, but I thought he was definitely not worth the king's ransom we had to pay him for a private tour. In any event, I'm sure that gave us a better understanding of the ruins than we possibly could have gotten on our own. Oliver had a complete meltdown in the middle of the tour, so that probably had something to do with my sour experience.

Day 4--Abby and I decided that we would try to see the Sistine Chapel. Ryan volunteered to stay at the hotel and let Oliver sleep in. We had a train to catch to Florence at 12:30, so Abby and I would have to make a very quick trip. We got to the Vatican at what we thought was an early hour (8:30...it doesn't open until 9:30) but already there were literally thousands of people lined up. I have never seen such a line. It was totally crazy. So we decided to bite the bullet and pay for a tour (with the way the dollar is trading, by this point it felt like we were just hemorrhaging money) so we could skip the line. We ditched the tour as soon as we got inside (still it took an hour in the tour line) and raced for the Sistine Chapel. The Vatican Museum was amazing (at speed-walking pace!), we could have spent weeks there and not have seen it all. We finally made it to the Sistine Chapel which was, after all, worth all the hassle it took to get there. It was beautiful and sumptuous. I wish that a) we had had more time to spend there, b) it was not quite so crowded, c) I had brought binoculars. I would say, "next time", but I honestly don't know if I could endure those crowds ever again. We raced back to the hotel, scooped Ryan and Oliver up, made a mad dash to the train station, nearly missing our train, and finally settled into our seats for the hour and a half trip to Florence. Ahhh...

Tuscany

The highlight of the trip for Oliver was BY FAR the train trip from Rome to Florence. He is obsessed with trains, buses and pigeons, so, needless to say, the train station was little boy nirvana. The fact that we actually got to ride on the train, and then that the train went through tunnels... well, it just doesn't get much better than that. Everybody on the train was laughing because he was so excited.

Dad met us at the train station in Florence and we stashed our luggage in the car and took off on foot to explore the city. It was very cold and sort of sputtering rain, so it wasn't that terrific a sight-seeing expedition. We visited the Duomo and Ponte Vecchio but then took shelter at a coffee house and had panforte and hot chocolate that was so rich it was like warm pudding.

We had dinner in Florence and then drove out to the villa in the Florentine Hills, near a tiny town called Magnavilla. The drive was pretty exciting in the dark since the roads are very narrow and winding. The villa was an old farmhouse or hunting lodge from the 15th century. It was surrounded by olive groves and had the most gorgeous views of the countryside and the city in the distance. It was quite cold, though, so Oliver slept with us each night under our down comforter. Oliver is midnight party animal. Ryan and I would be exhausted and Oliver just wanted to play. The sleeping arrangements made for some pretty fitful nights for me and Ryan.

Day 5 After breakfast we drove to San Gimignano, a totally picturesque city with many of its medieval towers remaining. We had a terrific lunch at a Italian charcuterie (I forget what the word is in Italian). They didn't have pasta or pizza, which was actually a nice change. I had ribolitta, a tuscan soup with bread, white beans and kale, it was delicious. Oliver enjoyed chasing the pigeons in the square. In the afternoon we drove on to Sienna, where we walked through the old city streets and saw the Campo where they have mad, anything-goes horse races in the summer. We decided after our huge lunch that we would just make a simple dinner at home.

But...along the way home, Dad brings up this Michelin 2-star restaurant that he knows is in the vicinity of our villa...or at least he thinks it is...the thing is, he doesn't remember the name of the restaurant, or the town that it is in, but hey, it's a 2-star restaurant, we can find it, right!? (The Michelin guide rating system only goes to 3, and it is extremely difficult to get even one star. In the entire USA there are only five 3-star restaurants.) Anyway, we end up driving all over creation looking for this restaurant. We finally find La Tenda Rossa at about 10:00 pm. The plan was that we would try to make reservations for the next night but we all decided that since we were there, we might as well eat tonight than come back again the next day. I was mortified because we were all in jeans and fleece, not exactly fancy-restaurant attire. But the staff was so gracious and totally made us feel welcome and at ease even though we looked like rif-raf. They brought out a throne (no joke) for Oliver and when he had had quite enough of sitting still at dinner they took him back to the kitchen where he was ohhed and ahhed over by the women in the kitchen. Apparently blonde haired, blue-eyed babies make Italian grandmas swoon. Anyway, we had a absolutely exquisite meal. And, in a Halverson family first, Ryan ate something that I wouldn't touch. He thinks I'll eat anything but when they brought out an "amuse bouche" appetizer of tripe (intestine??) I balked.

Day 6 - It was raining and cold but after a hearty breakfast we headed out to see Lucca and Pisa. We made it to Lucca just in time for the whole city to close up for lunch/siesta. It was pouring, so it was pretty much a bust. We huddled under our umbrellas and did some sightseeing but the collective mood was pretty dreary. We decided to punt Pisa and headed home for a nice dinner prepared by Abby. We had tuscan bean soup, fresh peas, pasta with pesto and cherry tomatoes and blueberry tarts for dessert.

Day 7 We flew down to Puglia in the afternoon to meet up with the greater Ford/Knapp clan who had gathered from the far reaches of the globe (New Haven, CT; Port Washington, NY; San Francisco, CA; London; Paris; Stockholm; Bangkok).

Puglia

We arrived by plane in Brindisi which is directly across the Adriatic from Albania. It is, we heard, a jumping off point for ferries and cruises for Greece and the Balkans. The Ford/Knapp clan was reuniting at a "masseria" or fortified farmhouse at the very tip of the heel of the boot of Italy, so we had to drive about 100km South from Brindisi. Apparently, through history that area was constantly being invaded by pillaging Saracens, Normans, and Greeks so they enclosed their farmhouses and courtyards with meter-thick limestone walls.

Day 7- Many of the Ford/Knapp relatives decided to drive up to Lecce for the day. We had stopped off in Lecce for dinner on our drive down to the masseria the night before so we decided to explore the tip of the heel. We drove over to the Adriatic coast where the waves crashed against the white limestone cliffs and had lunch at a little seaside restaurant. We followed the coast road down to the very tip, to Capo Santa Maria di Leuca where there is a lighthouse and the church of Santa Maria de Finibus Terrae ("St Mary of the Ends of the Earth"). From that spot you can see the sun rise over the Ionian Sea and set over the Adriatic. We continued along the coast road on the western side (Ionian) of the heel to Gallipoli (Italy, not Greece).

The highlight of the drive was when Dad decided that he wanted to take a dip. No suit? No towel? No problem! He swam in his boxers and "drip dried" in the front seat of the car. No one else was brave/crazy enough to go swimming, but to put this in context, we passed surfers and every single one of them was in a full wetsuit...it was not warm water!

We returned to the masseria for a special dinner planned by the owner of the masseria, Luciana. Her parents came, too. We were amazed by their flawless accents until we discovered that her mom is from Kansas City! Luciana invited some friends who play traditional Pugliese music. The dinner started at 8:00 and was still doing strong when we took Oliver to bed at midnight. The food was delicious, much of it grown right there at the masseria. My favorite was this sausage and cabbage dish, which is surprising because I'm not a huge fan of cabbage normally, but this was something else.

The dinner was definitely the highlight of our trip to Puglia. It was so much fun to reconnect with cousins and aunts and uncles. I know my dad had a really great time talking and joking with his brother Trow, especially. Trow lives in Sweden, so they don't see each other that often, but it was so nice to see them laughing and telling old stories.

Day 8- We spent more time with the family, including another very long, very filling Pugliese meal (whew! I thought I would never be hungry again!) and then that evening we said our good-byes and flew back to Rome. The following morning we flew back to the States. Oliver did very well on all legs of the trip, but we were all very happy to be home. Ollie is such a trooper. I know we are really blessed to have such an easy, mellow, adaptable baby.

Halloween

Yesterday we had a Halloween extravaganza. First was Ryan's company's party. Genworth is really family-friendly down here in NC, and they do all kinds of fun kids parties. At this event hey had Goodberry's (local ice cream) and each department entered a pumpkin into a contest that the kids voted on (Ryan tried to swing Oliver's vote but he cast his ballot for Inside Sales, not HR!), and then there was trick-or-treating. Oliver was pretty overwhelmed by all the people and was quite shy. He was much more interested in pushing his Thomas train than meeting Ryan's colleagues and their kiddos!

Then we headed back to our neighborhood for a party hosted by my friend Autumn. They had lots of yummy treats and a cool "haunted fort" for the kids to play in (basically a huge cardboard box with doors and windows cut out of it and decorated for Halloween). Then we had to rush back to our house for trick-or-treating.

Oliver was a little skeptical about this whole trick or treating thing at first. His buddy Ian (Tigger in these pictures) came over to trick or treat with us. Ian is a year older than Ollie so can actually say (when prompted) "trick or treat," Oliver on the other hand can only say "tee tee" which is his word for "thank you." But what Oliver CAN do, and did with relish, is knock on doors (so cute, he basically hits the door with the back of his hand), grab handfuls of candy from a bowl and drop them one by one into the plastic pumpkin, and then run to the next house.

The boys got waylaid at one point because we passed a construction zone and there was a bobcat moving gravel from one pile to another. It was getting dark so the bobcat had it's lights on (and was zooming around alarmingly fast!!) Both Oliver and Ian were transfixed...that was probably the highlight of the night for them! They also were somewhat distracted by the ever-delightful game of dropping small rocks through the holes in man-hole covers.

Ryan and I carved pumpkins on Tuesday night. Mine is the somewhat generic lopsided smile, Ryan's is...San Gimignano, Italy! Notice the medieval towers! (We just got back from Italy on Sunday so we both still have Italy on the brain...I'll post pictures, etc, soon.) Oliver also decorated a baby pumpkin with markers, but I'm not sure you can see his masterpiece in this picture.